Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
