apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
