I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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