haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
