Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
