I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
