I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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