you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
