I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
