Hey man sorry I got all grabby
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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