So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
