Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
