either way he was missing a nipple.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
