She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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