Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
