I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
