And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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