Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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