so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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