On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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