You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
