I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We are two peas in an std pod
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
