I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Too much gin, very little bucket
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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