Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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