i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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