Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
