yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
