I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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