she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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