we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
