What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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