I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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