every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
