he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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