i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
