Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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