The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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