His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
