Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
