dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
