Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
