I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
