I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
