Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
