I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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