We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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