I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
