So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just googled if crying burns calories
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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