life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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