I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
