I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if only i could text you this smell
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
