Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I FOUND THE LEGS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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