Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
